When all the butterflies flew away
by sophs007
Summary: Can Sam and Alex save their relationship? Please R


I don't own any of these people, and all that jazz...  
  
To Lauren for inspiring me to finish this and I hope you're feeling better, to jess for being jess and happy birthday and to colette and jeremy for acting well  
  
***  
  
When the butterflies flew away  
  
There was love once. A love so strong that all around them felt it's presence. But now, it had died. With time it had just faded away. He turned towards her, staring at her back. He wondered when she'd first started sleeping with her back to him. Three months ago? Four? Five? He couldn't remember. Oh but there had been love. It had withered away until all that was there were memories, happy memories, and they were the reason that neither of them let go. They had seen how happy things could be, and deep down both Alex and Sam were clinging onto those memories for fear of losing them, of losing how things used to be. He remembered how she'd hold him tight at night and whisper how much she loved him, and neither of them would let go for fear that if they let go of each other it would fade, their almost too perfect romance would fade. And it had.   
  
He felt like he was dying. Deep down he felt empty. He felt like everything he'd worked for and everything he'd achieved he'd done so in vain. She kept living, because it was her sense of life that kept him alive. Somewhere he could feel hope. It ached when he thought of how things were, and he almost wished he was dead. But dead in the normal sense because after death there's a promise of happiness, a promise of life in eternal bliss in heaven or wherever people went. But in this death, he was just sinking. Sinking further and further, shutting himself out from the world and from the people who care for him, and shutting himself out from Sam. They didn't fight anymore. In fact, they didn't even talk and if they did it was awkward and cold. Both of them noticed it, but neither of them wanted to. It had started off so perfectly. Yet now? He couldn't leave her. He'd be empty, and he just wanted to blame her. But he couldn't quite. Because he wasn't perfect. Because he'd done things. He'd pulled away, too. He may have hurt her in ways he didn't even realize but it was her fault. It was her secret. It was her lies.  
  
She'd looked so gorgeous on their wedding day. She wore a complimenting lilac shade and everything about her looked great. Back then, life had been so happy and Alex showed her off to everyone and was very over-protective. She was a blessing, now she was a burden. She'd been so proud when he got promoted, and he'd been happy for her when she got an increase in pay, but now they looked at each other with confusion. Like they were searching for the past, wondering where it had gone, who had taken it and who had stolen their dreams and ideals. They wanted to love each other again, for deep down they knew they both did but there was too much confusion, too many regrets. He wanted to start over again, and things to be back where they were. He did love her, he realised that now but he wasn't sure how she felt and didn't dare ask her as she'd just change the subject and he didn't have the heart or the energy to challenge her. There was love once.  
  
****  
  
She pretended she wasn't awake. She didn't want to respond to his soft callings of her name. They'd been many things in their life. They'd been friends, liars, lovers and most of all they'd been together. She felt a tear in her eye and promised herself that she wouldnt cry. She'd spent too many nights crying, when he'd been out working. It was all her fault for not loving him.  
But she had loved him. She had loved him with her whole heart and she still did. It wasn't supposed to end like this, only a year ago she'd been a new bride and they had talked about their lives. They were supposed to die old, and happy, together and die only minutes apart. A few months ago he couldn't get enough of her and loved her and wanted to spend his life with her. But then she'd told him her terrible secret. She remembered doing it, they were walking through Times Square at night in New York. And since then, everything had changed. She was sure the possibility that she'd never loved him had passed through his head but she had. She had cared for him so much and that's why she'd told him. She knew he hated her, everything was different now. It had all changed so fast, and it was the sheer speed that made her bitter. She didn't want to let him go. She loved him. She was still in love with him, like she always had been, even when it was unrequited. He no longer loved her though. She so badly wanted to forget it all but everytime she tried his face flashed before her. She was still wearing her wedding ring. At times she'd taken it off and had never wanted to see it again. But those were moments of despair, despair of him no longer loving her, not despair of her no longer loving him. She started humming their song, from a long time back. It had been months since the song had been played.  
  
****  
  
"Sam? You're singing our song." He whispered at her, and she looked embarrassed that he'd heard her. She said nothing and Alex wondered whether she'd been humming in her sleep.  
"Sam?" He heard a muffled sob. Her chocolate coloured eyes were glistened with tears. She should have told him. She shouldn't have kept something like that so secret. She had spoiled everything. But it was too late now, wasn't it? *I love you* She sent a telepathic signal to his brain. It had worked before but all chemistry between them had faded.  
"I was remembering..." Alex began to tell Sam the truth. "What's happened to us, Sam? We're dying. There was so much love, so much compassion. Where is it?" Sam couldn't answer him, for she didn't know.   
Alex stopped there. He remembered their first kiss and their last. And no matter how long he cried, how loud he screamed, how much he prayed,he knew that it could never bring Sam back to him. Maybe he should just accept that and give in? But would his sister have given in? That's a tragic mistake she made. Suicide. Giving in before she really had the chance to live in. With a picture of his dead sister in his mind, he realised that he couldn't give in. Not now. A tear dripped from his green eye, like a tiny emerald coated in ice. He felt it splash by his head on the pillow. He wondered what it would be like to kiss her again. And really kiss her.  
"Sam?" He whispered quietly, and even quieter, "I love you".  
She heard his silent confession and turned to face him. She put her arms round him and hugged him like she used to. She held him so tight and wouldn't let him go. She held him until his shirt was damp, and her face was hot and moist. She felt safety, passion, love, comfort and angst. The last emotion surprised her. She felt anger at the way things were and she realised how stupid she'd been. She realised how much she loved Alex, how they were meant to be together. She buried her face in him.  
"I love you too" she whispered back.  
"I thought I'd lost you. I thought it was all over. I can't believe it. Sam..." The tears were overwhelming him.  
"I love you, I love you, I love you. I knew we'd be okay, I knew we'd sort this out. I love you, I love you." 


End file.
